Little Orphan Frodo
by Levena Hearts
Summary: parodies of songs form the Broadway production of Little Orphan Annie, some songs omitted (is that how you spell that?)
1. Maybe

A/N: I just had a strawberry cheescake shake form sonic. It was very good. But they screwed up my burger. I ordered it without pickles, but mine had more pickles than my mom's, who likes pickles. Anywho, this is sort of a take-off of jessicas ideas (or maybe its allison's, I cant remember) and were writing parodies of song from musicales. We did fiddler of the roof this year as a school play (GO FEMALE SONS!!!! WERE NOT CROSS-DRESSERS!!!) and last year we did annie! So, since allison or jessica is doing fiddler of the roof, I decided I would do annie.  
  
Dislaimer: broadway owns annie. Tolkien owns lotr. I own the idea, sorta.  
  
Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 1- Maybe  
  
(piano music fills the mines of moria, where the fellowship is sitting, waiting for gandalf to figure out which way to go)  
  
Frodo: Maybe far away  
  
Or maybe real near by  
  
Ringwraiths are waiting to kill me  
  
Orcs want to poke out my eye!  
  
Maybe in these mines  
  
Or maybe in the woods  
  
Our fellowship will then break up  
  
I'm gonna rescue poor Sam  
  
Merry: Maybe we're lost  
  
Pippin: Maybe we're starved  
  
Sam: Maybe we're hungry  
  
For food like Pop-tarts  
  
Frodo: Maybe we'll die  
  
Before we get out  
  
Our one mistake was following him! (points to gandalf)  
  
So maybe now we're dead  
  
And just don't know it yet  
  
We're gonna go up to heaven  
  
"Hi, mom!"  
  
Aragorn: Betcha he's lost  
  
Boromir: Betcha there's Orcs  
  
Gimli: Maybe my cousin  
  
Has left his old home  
  
Frodo: Betcha he's not  
  
He just fell asleep  
  
Don't really mind  
  
Just hope he wakes up  
  
So maybe now we're gone  
  
Or maybe we're just lost  
  
We're gonna be dead tomorrow  
  
All: '"Hi, mom!"  
  
A/N: caffiene is good 


	2. It's a Hard-Knock Life

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 2- It's a Hard-Knock Life  
  
(the fellowship is crossing the snowy mountain things)  
  
All except for Legolas: It's a hard-knock life, for us  
  
It's a hard-knock life for us!  
  
Gandalf: 'Steada walking  
  
All except for Legolas: WE just trudge  
  
Gandalf: 'Steada talkin'  
  
All except for Legolas: WE can't budge  
  
It's a hard-knock life  
  
Legolas: Guys it's not too hard, you see  
  
Just walk on snow, like me  
  
:Wear leather shoes, like me  
  
Wear lightweight jackets, just like me  
  
It aint a hard-knock life!  
  
Frodo: Don't it seem like the wind is always howlin'?  
  
Sam: Don't it seem like there's never any light?  
  
Pippin: Once a day, I just wanna throw a towel in  
  
Hobbits: It's easier than walking through this snow  
  
Gimli: No one cares if your beard gets really soggy  
  
Legolas: No one cares if your hair loses its shine  
  
Merry: No one cares if you can't have 6 meals a day  
  
From my whining you would think these guys'd scream  
  
Oh!  
  
All: Empty belly life!  
  
Rotten smelly life!  
  
Full of sorrow life  
  
No tomorrow life  
  
Leoglas: Other Elves we never see  
  
Hobbits: Other Elves, who cares, you see?  
  
All: No one cares for you a smidge  
  
When you're in the Fellowship!  
  
It's a hard-knock life!  
  
Gandalf: You'll keep going!  
  
Till the ring of power is destoyed!  
  
Boromir: Yank the whiskers off his chin!  
  
Aragorn: Stab him with my trusty sword!  
  
Pippin: Make him drink my pint of beer  
  
Merry: Hey Gandalf, you're a big dork!  
  
All: It's a hard-knock life for us  
  
No one cares for you a smidge  
  
When you're in the Fellowship  
  
It's a hard-knock life!  
  
It's a hard-knock life!  
  
It's a hard-knock life! 


	3. Tomorrow

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 3- Tomorrow  
  
Frodo: The Orcs'll kill me  
  
Tomorrow  
  
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow  
  
I'll be dead  
  
Just thinkin' about  
  
Tomorrow  
  
Makes me shiver with fear  
  
And remorse  
  
Till I'm dead  
  
When I'm stuck on that day  
  
They'll be grey  
  
And in hordes  
  
I'll just ran far away  
  
And scream in fear  
  
Oh  
  
The Orcs'll kill me  
  
Tomorrow  
  
So I gotta face up  
  
To tomorrow  
  
Come what may  
  
Tomorrow  
  
Tomorrow  
  
I'll be dead  
  
Tomorrow  
  
This is my last day on Earth  
  
The Orcs'll kill me  
  
Tomorrow  
  
So I gotta face up to tomorrow  
  
Come what may  
  
Tommorow  
  
Tomorrow  
  
I'll be dead tomorrow  
  
It's only a day away  
  
Tomorrow  
  
Tomorrow  
  
I'll miss yall  
  
Tomorrow  
  
It's only a day  
  
Away 


	4. We'd Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 4- We'd Like to Thank You, Herbert Hoover  
  
(the fellowship is going through the woods before lothlorien, and they're bored, so they sing a song)  
  
Sam: Today I'm living on the cold ground  
  
Pippin: Today I'm scrounging for a meal  
  
Boromir: Today I'm stealing Frodo's gold ring  
  
Who knew I could steal?  
  
Legolas: I used to winter in my own woods  
  
I spent my summers in my room  
  
Frodo: I used to throw away my papers  
  
I don't anymore  
  
All: We'd like to thank you, Lordy Elrond  
  
For really giving us a quest  
  
We'd like to thank you, Lordy Elrond  
  
You made us what we are today  
  
Hobbits: Vacation was just 'round the corner  
  
Pippin: We can't have 6 meals anymore now  
  
In this quest, thing that you gave us,  
  
Yes, we're getting blue  
  
Frodo: You let others stay at Elftown!  
  
But Lordy Elrond, you forgot  
  
We paid attention and we left  
  
Not only did we leave just for you  
  
We left by ourselves!  
  
Aragorn: For everyone you had a great feast  
  
But Lordy Elrond, you forgot  
  
Not only don't I have my own feast  
  
I'm the real king!  
  
All: Hey Elrond!  
  
Gimli: You left behind a proclamation  
  
About the Fellowship you say  
  
All: We're up to here!  
  
With "admiration"  
  
Legolas: Come down and help kill some Orcs  
  
Hobbits: Come down and share our two meals a day  
  
Be sure to bring the council, too  
  
We've got no turkey  
  
For our stuffing  
  
Why don't we stuff you?  
  
All: We'd like to thank you, Lordy Elrond (Hobbits: Thank you, Elrond)  
  
For really giving us a quest  
  
You're full of Elf fluff  
  
And we're glad you  
  
Made who we  
  
Are today! 


	5. Little Girls

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 5- Little Girls  
  
(legolas is tired of listening to the hobbits whine about eveything, so, what else does he do? He sings a song!)  
  
Legolas: Little freaks  
  
Little freaks  
  
Everywhere I turn  
  
I can… hear them  
  
Little freaks  
  
Little freaks  
  
Night and day  
  
I eat, sleep and…HEAR THEM  
  
I'm an ordinary Elf guy  
  
With feelin's  
  
I'd like an Orc  
  
To shoot right here and now  
  
But I'll admit  
  
No Orc's been shot  
  
So how come I'm the archer of the year?  
  
Little songs  
  
Little jokes  
  
Everything they say is…  
  
LITTLE!  
  
If I shoot little hobbits  
  
Surely everyone will be glad!  
  
Some Elves are drippin' in talent  
  
Some Elves are drippin' in girls  
  
Lucky me, lucky me.  
  
Look at what I'm listenin' to  
  
Mouthy little freaks  
  
How I hate  
  
Little Sam  
  
Little Pip  
  
And each little… hobbit  
  
I'd have cracked, weeks ago,  
  
If it weren't for my sense of aim!  
  
Someday I'll step on the huge feet  
  
Someday, I'll break all their necks  
  
Send the flood  
  
Send the flue  
  
Anything that you can do  
  
To little freaks  
  
Someday I'll land up on Mount Doom  
  
With all the Orcs  
  
And the doom!  
  
There I'll leave  
  
Stealthily  
  
And watch the evil kill the hobbits  
  
That little  
  
Freak! 


	6. I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here!

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 6- I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here!  
  
(frodo has just woken up in rivendell and begins asking questions. The healers of course find it advisable by the surgeon general to… sing a song)  
  
Lord Elrond: (spoken) Frodo, You're our guest at Rivendell. And for the next few days you're going to have a swell time.  
  
(sings) Annette will pick out all your clothes.  
  
Annette: (spoken) Green. No, brown is his best color, I think.  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) Your food is cooked by Mr. Green!  
  
Mr. Green: (spoken) Soup. No, mushrooms, I think  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) Marlene comes in to clean your room  
  
Marlene: (spoken) The lemon scent! No, the pine fresh scent, I think!  
  
Frodo: (sings) I think I'm gonna like it here!  
  
Lord Elrond: The balcony is just outside.  
  
Frodo: (spoken) My own private balcony?  
  
Lord Elrond: Hmm-hmm.  
  
Frodo: Hot dog!  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) The archery court is in the rear.  
  
Frodo: (spoken) I've never even picked up an arrow!  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) Have an instructor here at noon. (spoken) Oh, and get that Legolas Greeleaf fellow if he's available.  
  
Frodo: (sings) I think I'm gonna like it here!  
  
Lord Elrond: When you wake  
  
Ring for Drake  
  
Drake will bring your food  
  
Frodo: (spoken) Both breakfasts?  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) When you're through,  
  
Mrs. Pugh  
  
Comes to take  
  
It away  
  
Staff: No need to clean up any shoes  
  
Frodo: (spoken) That's okay, I haven't got any anyway  
  
Lord Elrond: (sings) No hobbit foot you'll lift, my friend!  
  
Staff: We have but one request  
  
Please put us to the test  
  
Frodo: I know I'm gonna like it here!  
  
Used to live  
  
Under a hill  
  
Where I'd sit and eat  
  
Get me now  
  
Holy cow!  
  
Could someone, pinch me please?  
  
(someone obliges)  
  
(spoken) OW!  
  
Lord Elorond: He didn't mean it!  
  
(sings) We've just once had a little person  
  
Frodo: I'm very glad to volunteer!  
  
Staff: We hope you understand  
  
Your wish is our command  
  
Frodo: I know I'm gonna like it here!  
  
All: Welcome! 


	7. N.Y.C.

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 7- N.Y.C.  
  
(the hobbits are marveling at the 'wonder's' of moria, and they decide that the only thing appropriate for such a 'glorious' place is, a song)  
  
Frodo: Moria!  
  
What is it about you?  
  
You're big  
  
You're dark  
  
You're damp  
  
Pippin: Moria!  
  
I'd go years without you  
  
And I have got enough  
  
Enough of monsters answering back  
  
In language not my own  
  
Enough of skeletons answering back  
  
"Brother, run away from"  
  
Moria  
  
Too scary, too gloomy  
  
Too soft  
  
Too loud  
  
Too late! We're lost  
  
Again in Moria  
  
Merry: Moria!  
  
The shadows all over  
  
That skull  
  
That rock  
  
That thing  
  
Sam: Moria!  
  
The dark and the evil  
  
A horde of Orcs goes by!  
  
Frodo: What other place has a graveyard of mines  
  
And goblin of 4 foot 2?  
  
What other place in the whole Middle Earth  
  
Can have compared to you?  
  
Pippin: Moria!  
  
We'll send you all postcards  
  
We'll crowd!  
  
We'll cram  
  
And still can't jam  
  
The scare of Moria  
  
All: The terror of this place!  
  
Frodo: My pulse!  
  
Sam: My head!  
  
Pippin: My stomach!  
  
Merry: You might say that I'm weak  
  
But oy! I've got real scared!  
  
Pippin and Merry: This place is bright as a turned-off TV  
  
It's dark  
  
It's dank  
  
It stinks!  
  
Random rat: To think that I've lived here all of my life  
  
And never seen these things!  
  
All: Moria!  
  
The whole world aint coming  
  
By bus  
  
Or train  
  
We won't explain  
  
The casue for…  
  
Gollum: Moria!  
  
Just came here this weekend!  
  
My one  
  
My own  
  
My preciousssssssss!  
  
Moria!  
  
I give you fair warning  
  
Blood shall  
  
Be shed tonight!  
  
Just ask the hobbits or pretty boy Elf  
  
Just why this place here stinks!  
  
Though Mirkwood may be just known for it's murk  
  
The stentch prize goes to…  
  
Moria!  
  
Tomorrow one less man  
  
He's way up high!  
  
Tonight,  
  
He's dead  
  
Again, in Moria  
  
All: Moria!  
  
This place is pure horror!  
  
We'll crowd  
  
We'll cram  
  
And still can't jam  
  
The scare  
  
Of Moria! 


	8. Easy Street

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 8- Easy Street  
  
(what would happen if gandalf agreed with sauruman? The only way to express this is … through, a song)  
  
Sauruman: I remember the way my sainted mother  
  
Would sit and croon me a lullaby  
  
Gandalf: Mine said, "Kid, there's a place that's like no other  
  
You gotta get there  
  
Before you die  
  
You can't get there by playin' by the rule books  
  
You stack the aces  
  
You load the dice."  
  
Both: Oh mother dear  
  
Oh, we know you're…  
  
Down there listenin'  
  
How can we follow your sweet advice to…  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Where we reak evil!  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
She'd repeat  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Better get there  
  
To…  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Where our Orcs will play  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
Move our feet  
  
To Mount Doom  
  
When you get there.., stay  
  
Sauruman: It aint fair, how we scrounge to make our evil  
  
While he gets the ring.  
  
Gandalf: Ooh! That little freak!  
  
It aint fair this here life is driving me –phrenia. While we get Orc guts, he has the ring  
  
Sauruman: Maybe he holds the key, that little hobbit  
  
To getting' more evil  
  
Instada less  
  
Sauruman: Maybe we fix the game with something shady  
  
Gandalf: Where does that put us?  
  
Sauruman: Give you one guess  
  
Both: YES!  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Mount Doom  
  
Frodo is the key  
  
Yessiree, yessiree, yessire, yeah  
  
Mount Doom!  
  
Mount Doom!  
  
That's where we're gonna be! 


	9. You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smi...

A/N: ok, I wrote these pretty much all at one time, so I havevery little to say in the authors notes, k? k.  
  
Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 9- You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile  
  
Boromir: Hey hobbit man  
  
Hey dapper Elf  
  
You both got your style  
  
But brother you're never fully dressed  
  
Without the ring!  
  
Legolas: My clothes may be  
  
Beau-breammelly  
  
I stand out a mile from all you dorks  
  
But you're never fully dressed without the ring!  
  
Gimli: Who cares what we're wearing  
  
From the Shire  
  
To Rivendell?  
  
It's what we wear upon our hand  
  
And not form head to tail  
  
That ma-a-atters  
  
Hobbits: So Boromir  
  
So Aragorn  
  
So long for a while  
  
We've been walking  
  
Frodo: And I'm never fully dressed  
  
Even when I'm in my best!  
  
I'm never fully dressed without the ring!  
  
Ring!  
  
Ring!  
  
The ring of power! 


	10. Together at Last

1 Little Orphan Frodo  
  
Chapter 10- Together Forever  
  
(the fellowship is now apparently best of friends, and they express their newfound friendship…with the last song of their quest journey thing)  
  
Frodo: Thogether at last!  
  
Sam: Together forever!  
  
Merry: We've tied us a knot  
  
Pippin: Orcs never can sever  
  
Hobbits: We don't need an excuse  
  
To visit favorite Elves  
  
We don't need anything but y'all!  
  
Boromir: I have no ring 'round  
  
My cute little finger!  
  
You've kept it for you  
  
But that doesn't bug me!  
  
Gimli: (to Legolas) And what's that messed up tune you always sing  
  
Around the campfire  
  
Legolas: Bum, bum, bum  
  
It's all by Britney Spears!  
  
Gandalf: This past months been plain awaful  
  
Aragorn: You can say that again  
  
Gandalf: This past month's been plain awful  
  
Aragorn: But that's  
  
Gandalf: Not now  
  
Both: That's then 


End file.
